does or did anyone fear getting better? Like getting better was a bad thing. I think its because i feel comfortable being miserable. I don't know if i can or want to live without cutting. Its not that i don't want to get better, but rather that it is a scary idea because i don't know what it truly feels like. I don't know. Anyone else know this feeling, because im having a hard time putting it in words
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Re: feeling good is scary
Fri, March 23, 2007 - 4:59 AMI think depression can rob you of hope, and destroy any positive thoughts about life without depression.
I also think it's possible to worry about what we'll do 'when SI is gone' - as if we'll be lost without it, and somehow a smaller person; I think SI can become part of our identity, something we can hold on to.
When we're being cared for by others (like a counsellor, or a worried parent) it can be scary to think of life without that level of care and attention.
The good news is, I believe, is that depression can be treated, and gaining one's *hope* back is an amazing high! I have also found other things in life to help form my identity, so I don't rely on SI any more as part of 'who I am' - I've made sure I've got lots of other things to be proud of. -
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Re: feeling good is scary
Sat, March 24, 2007 - 1:01 PMi can understand how your feeling. I am seeming to be getting worse or better now i am not sure. I htink in some ways i get better while in others i have gotten worse. I do know though tht i did origanly get over self harming and went without it for 7 months. You do feel completly different and when that happened to me i was me again. i was really enjoying life and i felt more acmplished. I may not have had the best job but i felt full of vitality and strong. I grew as a person and gained new hobbies and interests. The thrill of self harming and be strong enough to do it was not a big deal anymore i had achieved new things and i was good at things. So what i am telling you is that even if you stop self harming you can still be a person you can be who you want to be.
And yes it will or may be that at some point you fall back into it for a awhile but once you have had that taste of freedom and just being alive on your own being you can always find the strengh to get back to it. I hope this helps you love kez -
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Re: feeling good is scary
Mon, April 14, 2008 - 9:07 PMto me it is not about feeeling good but to be normal! i am a mental person and don't know what normal is and a life without pulling my hair or rocking back and forth and cutting can't see it ever happing even if i am happy! cause when things get tough i si to sooth me and calm me down!
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